New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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