And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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