I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
