I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
