The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
