i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
