Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
