I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
