Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
