i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
