20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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