just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
