I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
