what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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