Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
