it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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