i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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