I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
