So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we're making bets on your personal life
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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