chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
oh god was she eating orange peels again
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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