ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
