piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
