She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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