We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
