the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
