You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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