How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize