I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The adults are the big ones right?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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