So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So squirting runs in the family.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
