Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
