So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
