Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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