ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
