You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
