I looked at my own cervix.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
