I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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