I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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