Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
cat food counts as protein by the way
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
