Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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