i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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