we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
