I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
