Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
