needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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