the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
