You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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