just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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