Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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