I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
