You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
