Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
