In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
