halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Randomize