I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
