He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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