How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize