thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
