Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Green mimosas i think yes
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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