every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
This is my gift to your gina
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
